HASTI PUBLIC SCHOOL & JR.COLLEGE,DONDAICHA
BLOG NO.103
“HAVE WE FAILED IN BRINGING UP.OUR ‘MODERN’ KIDS?
We often come across the point of the introduction. We all want to be the best parents, we can be , for our children , but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind and successful. And every aspect of being a parent has been more complicated and more fraught during the pandemic, with parents managing complex new assignments and anxious new decisions, all while handling the regular questions that come up in daily life with the children we love. Throughout the circus act of parenting, it’s important to focus on balancing priorities, juggling responsibilities and quickly flipping between the needs of your children, other family members and yourself. Modern parents have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t follow any single authority. It’s hard to know whom or what to trust. Here, we’ll talk about how to help your child grow up to be a person you really like without losing yourself in the process.
WE all must have read an article written by Narayan Murthy CEO Infosys “HAVE WE FAILED IN BRINGING UP.OUR ‘MODERN’ KIDS?
A very distressed neighbor shared that he had driven home after a long day at work. As he entered, he saw his wife in bed with fever. She had laid out his dinner on a tray.
Everything was there just as he wanted it. The dal, vegetables, salad, green chutney, papad and pickles… ”How caring,” he thought, “Even when she is unwell, she finds the strength to do everything for me.”
As he sat down to eat, he realized that something was missing. He looked up at his grown up daughter who was watching TV and said, ”Beta (child), can you get me my medicine and a glass of water, please?”
She rolled up her eyeballs to show her displeasure at being disturbed, but did the favour nevertheless.
A minute later he realized that salt was missing in the dal.
He said, ”Sorry beta, can you please get me some salt?”
She said, ”Ufff!” and got the salt but her stomping shoes made it clear that she did not appreciate the disruption.
A few minutes later he said, ”Beta …”
She banged the TV remote on the table and said, ”What is it now Dad? How many times will you make me get up? I too am tired; I had a long day at work!”
The man said, ”I’m so sorry beta…”
Silence prevailed.
The man got up and placed the dishes in the kitchen sink and quietly wiped the tear escaping his eye.
My heart wept… I often wonder; Why is it that the youngsters of the so called modern world behave like this? Have we given them too much freedom to express? Have we failed to discipline and give them the right values?
Is it right to treat children as friends? Think of it this way, they have lots of friends. But they have only one set of parents. If they don’t do ‘parenting’, who will?
Today the ‘self-esteem’ of even a new born or an infant is being talked about; but what about the self-esteem of the parents? Are they supposed to just fan the egos of their children, while the children don’t care two hoots about theirs?
Often parents say, “Aajkal ke bachhe sunte kahaan hain (Where will you find obedient children in these times)?” Why?
Remember to Pay-
RENT – Respect, Empathy, Niceness, and Time!
I ALWAYS ADVISE PARENTS TO BE PARENTS AND NOT FRIENDS. Your kids can have n number of friends but have only ONE set of parents.
So don’t be afraid to set rules and make the children obey them
Research tells that to raise a self reliant child with high esteem it is more effective to be authoritative than authoritarian. You want your child to listen, respect and trust you rather than fear you . You want to be supportive, but not a hovering, helicopter parent.
All of these things are easy to set as goals, but hard to achieve. How do you find the right balance? As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Help your child learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and helps you learn to tackle challenges. Calibrate your expectations about what your child is capable of doing independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts. Remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life. A dependent child is a demanding child. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility .” – Rudolf “ If we aren’t supposed to do things FOR our kids that they’re perfectly capable of doing for themselves, how do we ensure things get done completely and efficiently ?”
Instead of unintentionally instilling a sense of helplessness by overly assisting our children, we can Take Time for Training and TEACH them they can do most things for themselves.
Parents often underestimate this simple tool. It can feel burdensome because it does take time.
We don’t always have time to interact with our kids face-to-face and calmly teach them what we know. But this is one of a parent’s most crucial jobs. Besides providing for our children, we need to teach them to provide for themselves.
Kids as young as two or three can be encouraged to do as much as possible for themselves. This includes getting dressed, making their beds, and helping themselves to food in the refrigerator.
And naturally, the older kids get, the greater the responsibilities.
The Take Time for Training tool gives our kids the confidence and encouragement to develop the skills so crucial for independence.
Focus on Family Contributions.
Every member of a family plays an important role in a successfully running house hold.
If our goal is to raise independent kids, there are basic skills they’ll need as a functioning adult. Learning how to clean a house, cook wholesome meals etc.
4. Encourage Effort…and Celebrate Failure!
Some kids are so locked into the fear of failure, they don’t even try.
Imagine how this might play out in the real world–the place where your child needs to take risks. *focus on the quality of their EFFORTS while they’re still under your roof.
If your son studied hard for his biology test and still got a C, it’s the hard work he put in that counts. If your potty-training toddler failed to make it to the toilet in time, her steps (literally) in the right direction are commendable.
* Nourish Your Child’s “Spirit* ” *Kids that hear positive feedback spend less time retreating from their traits and more time expanding upon them…
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