HASTI PUBLIC SCHOOL & JR.COLLEGE ,DONDAICHA
BLOG NO.214
PHRASES THAT SHOULD BE BEST AVOIDED WHILE COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR KIDS/ CHILDREN
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton’s third law does not only apply to actions, it also applies to words.
Key to any healthy relationship is good and clear communication. But what we usually forget is that talking and communicating are two different things. Communicating means saying something in a way that the listener understands it the way we meant it. It’s not just what we say, how we say it makes a lot of difference in the way it is perceived.
One of the most important experiences that you as parents can provide for your children is to have good communication with them. After all, it is your daily interaction with your kids that forms the basic foundation for a close-knit bond between you and your little ones.
It is a known fact that children observe and learn a lot from their parents. As such, they not just take note of your actions but also your words! This means that the things you say to them matter a lot.
The words and phrases that you use when speaking to children are keenly observed by them. And this plays an important role in shaping the beliefs of those young minds. What you may say to them not just reflects your beliefs but also impacts the beliefs they develop.
So today, we, at The HASTI PUBLIC SCHOOL ,DONDAICHA, one of the best schools IN THE REGION , will be shedding light on some of the phrases that though most of you must be commonly using in your day-to-day conversations with your children, should ideally be best avoided. Read on.
Stop crying!:Children generally cry when they do something wrong and know that they will be punished or even when they are scared or hurt. Like any other human being, they have the right to show their emotions. Parents should not force their child to stop crying by screaming out “stop crying immediately”. Children learn from every single action of ours, even if they don’t realize it. By saying this phrase, you are essentially telling your child to not to show their emotions, something they may hold on to forever. Instead make them understand that its good to process emotions and express them and why they should stop crying.
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Why didn’t you get an A grade?”
One of the most common yet the most toxic phrases, that is generally an outcome of the heat of the moment. Yes, we understand that being their parents, you always want your kids to succeed in life. And academics surely lay the foundation for that. However, the undue pressure that builds on them for achieving this often gets ignored. At OUR HASTI SCHOOL , *we believe that as long as your child is making their best efforts and improvements, it should be fine. You can always look for areas to improve the next time but avoid putting too much stress on children as it impacts them emotionally as well as psychologically*.
You are worthless/an idiot: This is probably the worst thing to say to your child. Your child looks to you for your approval in whatever they do. By saying this, you are killing their self-confidence and making them reliant on the outside world for approval for all their actions. As parents, our job is to encourage our children to be better human beings. It is imperative that we teach our children to look inside themselves for approval. Instead of using this phrase, try something that says this time you did not do so well but you can do better next time.
“Your sister/brother did it so nicely. Why can’t you be like him/her?”
Another toxic phrase that parents use when talking to children is comparing them with their siblings, friends, and every other child around them. While you may have said it very casually, it impacts them very deeply from a very young age, and they begin to develop resentment. While comparison is bad for adults too, it should definitely be avoided when talking with children. At OUR HASTI School, we firmly believe that each child is a unique blessing that should be appreciated and should not be compared with others. We should instead embrace their individuality and try to polish their unique talents and knacks.
You are not allowed to do this before you finish doing that: By saying this, you are teaching your child that toys, dessert, or play, are rewards for doing chores like eating dinner or finishing their homework. This will increase the importance of the reward and diminish that of chores, dinner and homework; exactly opposite of what you want to accomplish. Changing the words you use even a little bit, can have a far more positive impact.
Don’t make me ground you: Sometimes children do something that they need to be punished for. Punishments that match the crime are important to teach children that actions have consequences. So next time your children are squabbling in the back seat while on the way to a family vacation and you tell them that if they don’t stop it immediately you will turn around the car; Do It! Don’t say something that you won’t do. If you tell your child that they are grounded and won’t be allowed to go out of the house to see their friends, stick to it. Follow through. If you can’t follow through, then don’t say it
“Why are you always lost in your dreams? Be practical!
Most children dream big and are really excited about it. Even if they do not seem possible due to any reason, you should encourage your kids without crushing their dreams with toxic words. *Using such negative words will only demotivate them and make them lose interest. Instead, support them with the right empowering words and a positive environment to work towards their dreams.
“Get aside. Let me do it for you!”
When you see your child struggling with an activity, it is a natural instinct being a parent to help them out. However, doing so frequently can make your child less independent as they will always be looking for you to help. So, instead of directly jumping to help them, you can guide them or provide them suggestions that will help them to solve the problem. This will help them grow into responsible and independent individuals.
APART FROM Listed above there are many more phrases that are commonly used while communicating with children. Although you may be saying some of these phrases very regularly, or they might not appear harmful as such, however, the fact is that your words influence your children a lot! While positive communication can help instill confidence in them, negative words can make them grow with a loser mindset.
It is hence very much important that you, being their parents and role models, mindfully avoid using such phrases and pay close attention on your language to communicate effectively with your children.
At our Hasti School, ranked among the best schools in the region , we firmly believe that it is very much important for the parents to be open to listening to their children with an open mind.
You need to keep in mind that those little eyes are always watching you. So, why not try and keep a watch on your language closely ?
It would not only help you build a better communication channel with your kids but also help lay the path for their rightful development!
Your feedback and additional innovative ideas to prepare children to tackle failure are welcome. Do write your comments.
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